My relationship with my stomach has always been unbalanced. From an eating disorder to digestive issues, my stomach has been the core to many of my struggles. I used to hide my stomach, never wanting to show the rolls it created when I sat, or the way it moved when I ran. I’ve always wanted to keep it contained and hidden, I never found it appealing. I used to pull at it, suck it in, cover it up, It was always the center of my attention. Since seeing all the women and girls in the media with their perfection, I found my flaws to shine even brighter when I’ll I wanted was to dim them.
It wasn’t until I worked at Crystal Life Technology in 2012 that I discovered the bodies energetic connectors, the chakras. Diving into the kaleidoscope of colors that my body radiated, I found that I had deep issues with my sacral and solar plexus. The hues of orange and yellow pulsating with such brightness to get by attention. By reading books and speaking with shamans, witches, yogis, and gurus, I was able to collect information that I needed to begin my journey of healing.
It didn’t really matter how many crystals I bought or how many essential oils I used, my sacral and solar plexus needed my undivided attention. They needed me to wade through the darkness in order to obtain their wisdom.
Working with the past is never easy, it’s scary, heavy, and a type of darkness that even the light struggles to penetrate. When traveling back through your roots, you have to do more than observe your childhood, you have to venture into the abyss of past lives, karma, and memories that don’t feel like you’ve lived in them. It’s confusing, a struggle of identity, but when you are able to lay in the darkest part of the your souls ocean, floating above all the wreckage, it’s in that moment you uncover your strength.
With all that devotion, I have grown to love my belly. My core. My center. It has become the home of my spirit, a place where all my creative fire brews. I lay my hand on it at night and get teary, saying I love you and I am sorry for the pain I’ve caused. My belly has is stronger and yet tender, awake and yet still dreamy.
It Takes Guts To Heal
Over the past year, I have resided in the cave of my body, listening to the current tempest brewing within my stomach. I didn’t know if she was angry at me for all the pain I’ve caused her or if it was some type of energetic awakening. Turns out, it was digestive issues. My stomach became bloated and pained. I found myself disconnecting again from the loving relationship that I spent years building. All within a couple of month I felt the walls begin to rise again, cutting off communion between my mind, soul, and gut.
It took me a few months to realize that couldn’t heal this issue on my own. After a couple doctors visits and blog tests, I was referred to a GI specialist. I was so nervous that I was going to have to change my vegan lifestyle and that every food I loved I wouldn’t be able to eat again. The stress of not having control was exhausting. With some deep breaths and a long-awaited visit to the GI, I was told I had IBS and I needed a colonoscopy. Now, in my naturalists heart, I was thinking this was all unnecessary because I ate so healthy. It was a mix of anger and confusion, but I decided to trust the doctors and loved ones because I couldn’t stand the pain anymore, it wasn’t my burden to carry.
It was one of the toughest journeys I have ever ventured on. I wasn’t able to eat for almost 2 days and I had to drink this indescribably horrible liquid. I was not able to sleep due to the nausea and cramps, making me so worn down that I was barely able to do anything.
The process completely drained me energetically, physically, and mentally. Some may call me weak, but during the time of no food and forcing myself to drink something, all my past traumas with my body were brought back to the surface. I was having to work through those as I laid in the bath dizzy, dehydrated, and sleep deprived.
The day of my colonoscopy I cried. I wanted it to all be over. I wanted to get back into the flow of my routine, yet laying with my blue gown on, IV in, I knew that the “adventure” wasn’t over. After the procedure, the nurse told my boyfriend and my delirious self that I was born with a twist in my colon, causing me to not be able to digest food as easily as others.
A part of me was relieved that I was able to find out what was wrong and the other half of me was defended by the thought that this was a lifetime commitment. I went home that day craving bread, water, and sleep. I still don’t have all the answers, because I have some upcoming doctors visits to unfold what was found during the procedure. I have begun the process of reconnecting with my stomach, listening and feeling. The first day back on my yoga mat, all I did was stretch, slowly moving with my muscles and breath.
✨ I’ve been practicing with silversmithing again ✨
It feels good to sit down and write to you. It’s been awhile since I last posted, I found myself drained, uninspired, and wanting to crawl into one of the books I was reading. I wanted to be alone. The kind of alone where you sit with you thoughts and are able to honor them like a passing fish in a stream. Sudden, seen, and admired.I like to think of my absence as spiritual maintenance, an image of me walking the mountain path to the temple of my Self.
It was during my time away that I reexamined my relationship with my spirituality. Since moving to the city and changing jobs, I found myself disconnected to what I valued, I felt lost. I wasn’t depressed, rather frustrated with myself that I wasn’t able to find the answers I needed to heal. It turned out that I was the answer all along, I needed to do the work, I needed to be alone.
There were days where I cried, got angry, and even felt nothing. It was all a journey, the deeper I went into my temple, the more alive I felt. During my “retreat” into my Self, I was able to acknowledge my shadows, strengthen my light, and discover new realms within my practice.
My journal became my safe space, my companion during my solitude. I brought it with my everywhere I went, It held my secrets, dreams, and the aspects of myself that were sacred. I was able to color and write my emotions and ideas on the page without judgement, releasing everything that was on my mind in a loving way. Throughout my day I would write. From a single word to a stream of consciousnesses, I welcomed the honesty.
I also pulled oracle cards every morning, asking my guides for their wisdom. With my daily mantra I would choose a crystal, mala, and an essential oil that aligned with that energy. It became a ritual, something that made me feel supported and listened to. Along with journaling and oracle readings, I found myself stepping onto my mat at least twice a day. I would stretch and meditate in the morning and flow in the afternoon. The variety of movement gave me another outlet to filter my emotions and thoughts through.
My healing process was a collection of daily habits, they all worked together to bring me back to my Self. Here are some more of my favorite routines:
Below you will find some of the tools I used in the Temple of Self. You can use these in your own life to reawaken your passion, align your energy, and to find balance within your beautiful chaos.
Essential Oils: Clear Mind by Little Moon
✨ This amethyst crystal wand has been listed in my Etsy shop ✨
Crystal Herbalism –
This crystallized beauty is a calcium mineral found in Mexico and Peru. It works with the third and crown chakras, allowing angelic light to flow throughout the chakric system. This stone assists with spiritual healing, purification, inner illumination, renewal, lunar connection, and clarity to visions.
Other Energetic Meanings:
– Positive communication with the Fae
– Divine inspiration
– Guidance and protection
– Illumination and lunar connection
– Purity and oneness
This natural specimen looks like a crystallized coral, beautiful for alters and display. This crystal is Available on my Etsy Shop.
Perfect for White Magick and celestial work!
✨This celestite crystal is available in my Etsy shop✨
🌙 This citrine wire-wrapped necklace is available in my Etsy shop 🌙
Crystal Herbalism – Reclaim Your Bliss Tea
There is a magic to knowing when to tend to the Self, an ancient vibe to nurture. It’s with that intuitive tide that our need to care for our bodies becomes a priority. Loving ourselves is a cycle of reflection, acceptance, and growth. It’s a divine notion that our bodies are creations of earth, a personal ecosystem. Bones, blood, breath, water. Roses blush, the breeze crisp. We inhale the organic world around us. This floral tea gives you the time to honor yourself. To feel, to embrace your body as a sacred space. A divine temple of self.
*I have used this tea blend to heal menstrual cramps and ease stress.
We’ve got crystals for days….